I have a problem with caffeine. I'm not supposed to drink it, and its on a long list of things I'm not supposed to do. I'm OK for awhile, then I hit a slump, and I need something- anything to keep me going.
Caffeine makes it all better. Caffeine allows me to smile, to joke, to kickstart a mood into jumping and dancing around the double dutch ropes.
It makes me feel close to normal.
Until I crash. And my adrenal glands are so fatigued that I crash hard.
This makes me want to laugh, probably because it makes me so frustrated. I'm not talking alcoholism, heroin, a vicious coke habit.
More like a vicious Coke habit.
I don't like coffee. Even the smell puts me off. My caffeine of choice is in soda form.
Yesterday I had caffeine. A glass of diet coke(12 oz.). And I was interactive. I was relaxed, thinking good thoughts, and also emotional about the smallest things.
And then I crashed. became sullen, irritable, frustrated, and felt like I needed to put on a mask, to try and be the softer, warmer guy that people respond to.
Bad habit, and I should cut it out. But when something allows mde to pull out of the muck for just a while, it sometimes makes me forget that it'll shove me down further into it right after.
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