It’s December, and I’m making the best of it. I expect everyone else is having the best holiday they can as well. At this time, I just wanted to give you a heads up about this blog, about what I’m doing.
As much as I wanted it to be, my life is not going along the ’better and better’ narrative. I am not the inspirational cancer patient. And I am not going to apologize for it. I am not doing this for your sympathy. I am not doing this for you to intervene.
I’m doing this for two reasons:
- to let people know what is happening. I haven’t really talked to people for quite a while, even those around me. I started writing a few things on the charity website a while back, but found that I couldn’t hit the positive aspects like I thought I should. So, I started this blog. If I had my way, I’d be hiding somewhere, until I’m better able to deal with everything.
- to get out what I’m feeling, past the overbearing self-judgement on how I should be better. To speak it out in order to make out what is going on, and in order to make it out of wherever I am.
If you have something you want to say, please share it with me on the blog. If my postings upset you, then don’t read them. If you think I’m faking it for attention, stop reading. If you think I’m being a poor little victim crybaby, no one is forcing you to read my blog.
I am not making anything up. I’m not editing. I’m not working on a masterpiece. I am just writing.
The only reason I announce postings on facebook is because many people requested it, and I still can’t get over how many people look at a posting. I have not been good to anybody through this- keeping everyone at arms length, because my tactic in getting through the day is to just not talk about it. I have disconnected, and I want to disconnect more, and its taking its toll. But I have to go through what I’m going through, and those folks who are supposed to be around will be around when I am able to reconnect.
Until then, check back and read things as you want to, leave messages, and, above all, enjoy the hell out of your own life. Someone has to, it might as well be you.